We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
