That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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