Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
