They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
