i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
