when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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