New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
