hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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