I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
