I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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