You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
