Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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