u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
