go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
