gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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