Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
