Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
