ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
