Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
