Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i was born a porn star she said
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
