addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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