I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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