Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
