Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
