And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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