sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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