After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
