new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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