also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
