I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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