after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
