if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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