I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
