I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
