awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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