Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
