glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
