even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
