I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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