woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
