yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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