She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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