Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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