i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize
