hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
