I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
