I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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