I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
