That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
