worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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