Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
