Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook

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(970): View more from Colorado

last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!

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(561): View more from Florida

Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore

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(859): View more from Kentucky

So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head

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(251): View more from Alabama

You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.

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(269): View more from Michigan

This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???

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(740): View more from Ohio

I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.

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