Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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