omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
