You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
