Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
