Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
