Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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