Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
