You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
