Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
